i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
