why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
