He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
