Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
