Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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