Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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