apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
