What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
