K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize