Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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