she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
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