do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
