smell my finger.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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