I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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