i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
