the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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