Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
