I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
