DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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