ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Every concussion has its silver lining
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
