A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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