I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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