I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize