My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
