and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We had to coat check the pizza.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
