it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
