trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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