drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
