omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
