You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
