I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She even gives head with a lisp.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
