Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
