the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
