hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
