using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
