as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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