You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
