SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
