I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
