At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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