Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
