really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
