And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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