Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
