enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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