Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
