More tranny stories later!
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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