we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
