I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize