I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
