boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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