you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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