Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
