I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
