Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize