Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
