video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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