You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
