I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
