too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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