We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
