Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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