my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
