Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
