im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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