why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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