Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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