U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
