Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize