my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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