Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Randomize
