you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
