and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
