Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
